Best of British

[Pagey]

[quote]A South African gold miner loses his leg in a mining accident and is sat in hospital talking to his mate.

"Well that's me f*cked, who on earth's going to want a one legged gold digger?"

His mate replies "Well, you could try Paul McCartney"

And thats after he bought her a new state of the art titanium electronic false leg for Christmas - it wasn't her main present though, it was just a stocking filler ............................[/quote]

[blue nose]

A South African gold miner loses his leg in a mining accident and is sat in hospital talking to his mate.

"Well that's me f*cked, who on earth's going to want a one legged gold digger?"

His mate replies "Well, you could try Paul McCartney"

And thats after he bought her a new state of the art titanium electronic false leg for Christmas - it wasn't her main present though, it was just a stocking filler ............................

very good..very wity..

[Pagey]

How do you get the quote to appear in a white box ?

Parente - Didn't mean to nick your joke, just put it in quotes so I could add mine.

[Perente]

Pagey, No Problem. I thought your addition was excellent I trust one of the Mods will give an explanation of "How to Quote"

[Burger]

Wife comes down for breakfast early one cold Sunday morning.
Husband is sitting there with jacket and scarf on, rucksack and fishing rods by his side.
"We're going fishing today luv" he says
"Oh no I'm not" she says
"Yes you are luv, we never do anything together anymore. Either you come fishing with me, or you let me shag you up the arse or you give me a blow job, it's your choice" he says
"no problem" she says, "I'll give you a blow job rather than go fishing in this weather"

Wife gives him a blow job, after she says "your dick tasted like shit you know ?"
He replies "yeah I know, the dog didn't wanna go either"

[HansMartin]

Burger
In the US of A, we would call that a Montana joke -- just change dog to sheep!!

[Edd Case]

Sorry Hans - doesn't gel - never met a sheep that fished! Though did have a gundog that carried a jar of mint sauce in springtime. Lovely moon tonight!

[Edd Case]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pagey wrote:

Quote:
A South African gold miner loses his leg in a mining accident and is sat in hospital talking to his mate.

"Well that's me f*cked, who on earth's going to want a one legged gold digger?"

His mate replies "Well, you could try Paul McCartney"

And thats after he bought her a new state of the art titanium electronic false leg for Christmas - it wasn't her main present though, it was just a stocking filler ............................

Heard the same lady went to her lawyer with pre-nuptual agreement in hand but was told she didn't have a leg to stand on....

[Bamboo Grove]

Pagey, for quoting:

http://www.huahinafterdark.com/forum/vi ... php?t=3203

[Farang]

Pagey, for quoting:

http://www.huahinafterdark.com/forum/vi ... php?t=3203

You just had to quote another quoter quoting about quoting, didn'tya?
Don't quote me on that.

[olmate]

yeh yeh yeh, im a colonial but this topic is best of british and the best thing i have seen come outta britain in recent times is those two gay blokes from "little britain" they f$$cking crack me up everytime, they even get radio play here on the abc (bbc equiv).
They get a for best of british from an occa.

[Pagey]

[quote]Pagey, for quoting: [/quote]


Just testing.............

Bamboo Grove, it doesn't work for me, could be my Arabic computer......

[JD]

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping.
While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your mother."
 
So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday".
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to your father."
 
Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says:
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
 
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.
The father turns to his son and says;
"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says,
"Yes dad I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
 
The son replies,
"I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate you German B*stards"

[Big Boy]

It is just before the Germany v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Germany. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered."

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself - you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldinho goes out to play Germany by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - Germany 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating Germany all by himself!

Anyway, a few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium 'Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - Germany 1 (Ballack 89 minutes)."

They can't believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against Germany!!

They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Germany, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, no, I have, I've let you down...I got sent off after 12 minutes."

[Pagey]

>To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what
>'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been
>nominated for the best email of 2005. All of us who travel will understand.
>
>The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
>room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the
>Far East Economic Review:
>
>Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
>
>Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
>
>RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
>
>G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
>
>RS: "Ow July den?"
>
>G: "What??"
>
>RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
>
>G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
>
>RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
>
>G: "Crisp will be fine."
>
>RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
>
>G: "What?"
>
>RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
>
>G: "I don't think so."
>
>RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
>
>G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn
>toes'
>means."
>
>RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
>
>G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an
>English muffin will be fine."
>
>RS: "We bodder?"
>
>G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
>
>RS: "Wad?"
>
>G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
>
>RS: "Copy?"
>
>G: "Excuse me?"
>
>RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
>
>G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
>
>RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on
>sigh and copy....rye??"
>
>G: "Whatever you say."
>
>RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."
>
>G: "You're very welcome."
>