News of the Weird - this just in!

[STEVE G]

Malawi row over whether new law bans farting

(BBC) Two of Malawi's most senior judicial officials are arguing over whether a new bill includes a provision that outlaws breaking wind in public.
Justice Minister George Chaponda says the new bill would criminalise flatulence to promote "public decency".

"Just go to the toilet when you feel like farting," he told local radio.
However, he was directly contradicted by Solicitor General Anthony Kamanga, who says the reference to "fouling the air" means pollution.
"How any reasonable or sensible person can construe the provision to criminalising farting in public is beyond me," he said, adding that the prohibition contained in the new law has been in place since 1929.

The Local Courts Bill, to be introduced next week reads: "Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour."
Mr Chaponda, a trained lawyer, insists that this includes farting.

"Would you be happy to see people farting anyhow?" he asked on the popular "Straight Talk" programme on Malawi's Capital Radio.
He said that local chiefs would deal with any offenders.
When asked whether it could be enforced, he said it would be similar to laws banning urinating in public.

[Big Boy]

Note to self - Avoid Malawi

[hhfarang]

The Dark Energy phenomenon (excerpt from a New York Times science article):

"...an unassailable conclusion, one that’s particularly unnerving... the accelerated expansion of space will continue unabated, dragging away distant galaxies ever farther and ever faster. A hundred billion years from now, any galaxy that’s not resident in our neighborhood will have been swept away by swelling space for so long that it will be racing from us at faster than the speed of light. (Although nothing can move through space faster than the speed of light, there’s no limit on how fast space itself can expand.)

Light emitted by such galaxies will therefore fight a losing battle to traverse the rapidly widening gulf that separates us. The light will never reach Earth and so the galaxies will slip permanently beyond our capacity to see, regardless of how powerful our telescopes may become.

Because of this, when future astronomers look to the sky, they will no longer witness the past. The past will have drifted beyond the cliffs of space. Observations will reveal nothing but an endless stretch of inky black stillness. "

[STEVE G]

(Reuters) - A local authority has given the go ahead for a swimming pool to use energy created by the next-door crematorium to heat its water.

The plan, the first of its kind in Britain, will see waste heat from the incinerator chimney used to warm up the neighbouring leisure centre and its new pool.

"The cremation process is a sensitive matter and we wanted to be sure our proposals had widespread support," said Councillor Carole Gandy, the leader of Redditch Borough Council.

Eighty to 90 percent of people who contacted the council had backed the scheme, she said.

"Throughout we have been careful to explain how the technology would work, that it is tried and trusted, and that the practice is quite common in parts of Europe and especially in Sweden," she said.

"We already support our residents to insulate their homes and be energy-efficient, so it seemed only right for us to explore this re-use of energy."

However, local trade union officials are less than impressed with the plan, saying it was a reflection of the massive public spending cuts being implemented by the government.

"These proposals ... are sick and an insult to local residents," said Roger McKenzie, regional secretary for Unison, Britain's biggest public sector labour union.

[STEVE G]

Catholics 'cannot confess via iPhone'

Catholics cannot confess by iPhone, the Vatican has said, after the launch of a 'confession app' sanctioned by the US Catholic Church.

Father Federico Lombardi, the Vatican spokesman, said technology was not a substitute for being present when admitting sins to a priest.

"One cannot speak in any way of confessing via iPhone," Father Lombardi said, adding that confession required the presence of the penitent and the priest.

"This cannot be substituted by any IT application," Lombardi added.

Confession: A Roman Catholic app, thought to be the first to be approved by a church authority, walks Catholics through the sacrament and contains what is described as a "personalised examination of conscience for each user."

The application is not designed to replace going to confession but to help Catholics through the act.

[STEVE G]

Malaysia tiger mauling stopped by wife with soup ladle

A man has been rescued from a near-fatal attack by a tiger in northern Malaysia by his wife.
She entered the fray wielding a wooden soup ladle at the tiger - which fled.
Tambun Gediu, now badly lacerated and recovering in hospital, had tried hitting the tiger away in vain and says his wife saved his life.
Wildlife rangers plan to track the tiger and send it further into dense, unpopulated jungle in the the northern state of Perak.
"I was trailing a squirrel and crouched to shoot it with my blowpipe when I saw the tiger.
"That's when I realised that I was being trailed," Mr Gediu said after surgery.
The tiger pounced not far from the Gediu home in a jungle settlement of the Jahai tribe.
Mr Gediu had tried climbing a tree to escape the animal, but was dragged down by the tiger.
His wife, 55-year old Han Besau, rushed out of the kitchen on hearing his screams and used the kitchen implement to good effect.
"I was terrified and I used all my strength to punch the animal in the face, but it would not budge," the New Straits Times newspaper quoted him as saying.
"I had to wrestle with it to keep its jaws away from me, and it would have clawed me to death if my wife had not arrived."
It was the first time anyone in the village had been attacked by a tiger.
The director of the Department of Wildlife and National Parks in the state, Shabrina Mohd Shariff, estimated that there were about 200 tigers in the jungles of Perak.
She added that five had been spotted near the major East-West Highway in the region.
(BBC)

[E-Dork]

SEVEN loved-up couples locked lips for 33 HOURS to celebrate Valentine's Day — and score the longest recorded smooch in history.
The previous record — 32 hours, seven minutes and 14 seconds — was set in 2009 by a couple in Germany, according to Guinness World Records.

Fourteen people entered the contest when it kicked off at 6am local time yesterday in the southern Thai beach resort town of Pattaya.

By Monday afternoon, half were still smooching away while tourists gawked at the spectacle.

Organiser Somporn Naksuetrong said: "We didn't think we would find anybody that could break the record. It's amazing."

The last couple left kissing will win a diamond ring worth 50,000 Thai Baht (£1,000), and a 100,000 Baht (£2,000) cash prize.

According to the rules, the lovebirds' lips cannot part at any time, but they are allowed to drink water, coffee, milk or juice through straws.

They also have to remain attached during bathroom breaks every three hours — accompanied by contest monitors.

The harshest rule is the ban on sitting or sleeping. One woman participating with her boyfriend fainted just half an hour after the competition began.

Despite its reputation for having one of the biggest sex industries in the world, Thailand is still a conservative nation where kissing in public — even a small peck — is frowned upon.

Participants had to show proof they were either married or truly a couple. A letter from both parents or a marriage certificate was acceptable.

The couples who took part were mainly Thai and ranged in age from 21 to 51. There was also one German man with a Thai woman, and a gay couple.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/ne ... s-Day.html

[E-Dork]

Another English loser who will be milking benefits for the rest of his life. Makes me ashamed of where I came from. We never used to be like this, we used to be good, well behaved, educated people - then corporal punishment was banned.

A tattoo addict has horrified his loved ones - by getting a SKULL inked on his face.

Jobless "Mad Dog" Deon, 27, had a loose interpretation of a skeleton etched on.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/ne ... -face.html

I invite you to watch the video and just see the kind of wasters our proud country produces now. Most of you probably know anyway, hence the reason to get the hell out.

[Arcadian]

Re the Tattoo man, is there a law which says if you make yourself unemployable you lose all benefits? If not there should be.

[E-Dork]

Re the Tattoo man, is there a law which says if you make yourself unemployable you lose all benefits? If not there should be.

Good question. As far as I know as long as you turn up for interviews showing that you are 'trying' to get a job you are eligible for the dole payments. This guy of course won't get a job anywhere so is he now eligible for life time dole?

I remember the movie 'Trainspotting' where the guy took a load of drugs before the interview just so he it up and able to remain on the dole. A hell of a lot of wasters in England. Cameron has said he's going to put a stop to benefits for the bone idle - pigs may fly!

[hhfarang]

Horse semen on the menu at N.Z. food festival

WELLINGTON, Feb 18, 2011 (AFP) - - Long renowned for pioneering extreme sports such as bungee-jumping and heli-skiing, New Zealanders are now pushing culinary boundaries by serving up shots of horse semen to iron-stomached food lovers.

The equine delicacy will be on the menu at the annual Wildfoods Festival in the South Island town of Hokitika next month, along with other gastronomic delights such as raw scorpions, chocolate-covered beetles and deep-fried grubs.

"The idea is you'll have as much zizz as a stallion for a week afterwards," Christchurch racehorse breeder Lindsay Kerslake, who came up with the semen surprise, told Fairfax Media.

He said the shots being sold at this year's festival on March 12 would taste like a milkshake and be washed down with an energy drink chaser.

Organiser Mike Keenan said he expected many festival patrons would sample the shots as a dare, and he was prepared to put his own stomach on the line.

"Yeah, I'll give it a go," he told AFP.

Keenan said the festival began 22 years ago as a way of allowing city slickers to "get out of their comfort zone" and sample bush tucker.

While much of the fare such as venison and wild boar is relatively unchallenging for mainstream tastes, Keenan said organisers liked to spice up the menu with more unusual offerings.

In the past, these have included rams' testicles and bulls' penises, although Keenan admitted Kerslake may have set a new benchmark.

"He thought these flavoured horse semen shots would be something different," Keenan said. "He working on a number of flavours, from vanilla, right through to strawberry and chocolate."

[E-Dork]

LITTLE Supatra Sasuphan is celebrating after being named the World's Hairiest Girl.
The 11-year-old, from Thailand, used to be teased about her looks and was often reduced to tears by jibes including 'wolf girl' and 'monkey face'....

See pictures here...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/ne ... -Girl.html

[STEVE G]

(Reuters) - A 19-year-old Henderson, Nevada man arrested for burglary managed to drive off in a police car on Wednesday, despite wearing handcuffs, only to be nabbed on foot a few hours later.

The unidentified burglary suspect drove off in the police car while officers stood outside their Chevrolet Tahoe shortly after apprehending him on suspicion of attempting to break into a nearby home, police spokesman Todd Rasmussen said.

While sitting in the back seat of the patrol car, the suspect managed to slide his handcuffed hands behind his back and scramble through a square-foot-wide opening in a plexiglass window separating the back from the driver's seat.

"He was pretty thin," Rasmussen said.

The suspect then drove off while still handcuffed, making it as far as a softball field about two miles away, Rasmussen said.

Authorities found the car using its built-in GPS, and shortly after that discovered the suspect hiding between nearby houses.

[STEVE G]

PORTLAND, Ore. — When a homeowner returned to find a strange man inside his house, he understandably called 911 — and so did the intruder.

Lt. Kelli Sheffer said the intruder told police he had broken into a home Monday evening shortly before the owner arrived. He decided to call for help because he was worried the homeowner might have a gun, she added.

The Oregonian newspaper reported the intruder had been taking a shower in the house in Washington Park, Portland, when the owner returned.

Accompanied by his two German shepherds, the homeowner asked what the man was doing and the intruder locked the bathroom door.

That was when the the man called the police. At the same time, the homeowner also dialed 911 with his account of what was happening.

The Oregonian said Portland police arrived with their own dog and arrested the intruder "without further incident."

Sheffer said 24-year-old Timothy James Chapek of Portland was booked into jail for investigation of first-degree criminal trespass.

[Nereus]

Christchurch sex trade booming after quake: report

http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/wo ... ke-report/


Christchurch sex workers were enjoying a boom in trade after last month's earthquake as stressed emergency workers turned to the world's oldest profession, a report said.

Prostitutes in the New Zealand city said an influx of foreigners helping relief efforts after the devastating 6.3-magnitude quake had left them run off their feet,
the Christchurch Press reported.

It said one sex worker, "Candice", reported earning up to NZ$1,400 ($1,030) a night soliciting just outside the city's cordoned-off downtown area.

"In three years, I've never made this much before," she told the newspaper. "The foreign ones are the best, they pay the most.

"They are saying they are stressed out and they need to get some stress relief."

Another sex worker, Mary, who lost her house in the February 22 tremor, also said business was brisk.

She had been seeing "all sorts of people", not just regular clients: "It's their way of dealing with it. If they can get some relief, I think there's nothing wrong with that."

Candice said her clients included search and rescue staff, builders and foreign police officers.

"There's just lots of men here, lots of men without their wives and they're going to be a bit naughty," she said.