Expat Wives in Thailand

[Gail]

I am in my 7th year of living in Hua Hin. When I first moved here for the first 3 months is was like an extended holiday, the next 6 months, if I could have got on a plane and headed home I would have done. Then I happened to have to go back to the UK for 3 weeks and as soon as I returned I said to my husband that's it, I'm going to make my life here. The miserable faces and prices in The UK made me feel so grateful for all the smiles I had been receiving every day in Hua Hin. Yes things have changed here very much, but I would'nt swop my life here for anything.
I have mostly Thai friends here now and although sometimes I find it hard to understand their way of thinking, at the end of the day they are just like me, want to make a better life for themselves and their family. It is hard sometimes when you have to mix with the dopey old frarang with a bar girl and he is convinced that she thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread and really really loves him, but I resist the urge now to say anything or I might be accused of being a jealous bitter old Western woman. I feel lucky to live in Hua Hin and to me there are never enough hours in the day, I never get bored, my family and friends are always coming over to visit us, hopefully my husband and I will be in a position to live here for many more years to come.

[Vital Spark]

I think that if you're the kind of woman who can't live without a close relationship with other women (a woman's woman), then Thailand's not the place for you. There just aint enough of us here to satisfy your needs.

I guess it depends what kind of woman you are. Even in the UK I've always preferred the company of men - I much prefer discussing cars, motor-racing and motorbikes.

Mags had her business to run, and both Ladybiker and Gail seem to have the kind of husbands who share interests with them. Both Mr.VS and I work full time and enjoy the time we share together, because we have the same interests.

If you have a strong relationship (with common interests) then Thailand can be paradise. Without the above, for a woman, it could be a very lonely place to live.

VS

[Spitfire]

Absolutely VS, quite correct, it's about the strength of relationship at the end of the day, I've also seen a couple of relationships go to the wall because of weakness in this sense etc, whether through male stupidity/exuberance or female hubris/naivety/compliance etc, forgive me, couldn't find the right word.

Sounds naff but if it's love then it can weather the storm, but this can often be a defining test, which might not have been done before. Thailand is a male orientated country that caters for the weak in excessive style, at least in this context.

If it's anything else then Thailand is not a country geared up for foreign females. It's very tough for any western woman to reside here and fair credit to those that do and sort it out and prosper, depends who you are partnered with.

[margaretcarnes]

All good points - I wonder if it's very different though for ex-pat women in Bangkok? Not just married ones - there are some just working there on their own.
One in particular has lived at the hotel I use in Bangkok for at least 10 years now.
Another young woman I overheard there last trip was being given a right old talking to by her (presumably) farang boss about 'fitting in', (or not as it happened.)
I'm sure it does take a different kind of woman again to go it alone in the city - but the city is a different kettle of farang to HH etc.
Also we can't really include 'Embassy Wives', as they mix in different circles to us mere mortals! Although it would be interesting to hear their views as well. Maybe their main concerns are the prices at Toni and Guy?

[moja]

Been living here for 3 years now with my husband of 30 years. When we first arrived he worked away a lot of the time and the first few times he went away I was pretty lonely not only that the house we bought was a disaster so I had workmen in the house non-stop for over three months sorting things out. By the time I went on my first visa run I was desperate to get away but after a couple of nights away I was really looking forward to coming home!

We do not live on a project so I could not get to know other women that way so I joined a book club (would not have dreamt of doing so in the UK) Through the book club I have met a lot of other women some now good friends and others that will always remain acquaintances.

There are at least two “ladies” groups in Hua Hin and if you should so wish you could be busy every day with some activity or other – I meet several for coffee once a week but that is the limit of my involvement as to be honest like VS I prefer the company of men as that is what I have been used to for the past 30 years.

I am also content with my own company and I think that goes a long way to being content as an ex-pat woman in Thailand.

[ADW]

May I voice my opinion, from the point of view of a single female, working full time in Hua Hin (some of you know who I am!)

I have been living in Thailand for 10 years now, about 7 of which have been in Hua Hin and all of them I have been employed. I have had difficult times and I've had great times, western friends and Thai friends, built a house, drive a car and generally it has all been pretty great.....

However, I am now selling everything and moving back to the UK.... Why.. because now it's not so great anymore. As a single working woman, social life revolves a great deal around work and people you meet at work. My current job doesn't have that, and Hua Hin has become a very lonely place. Also, my priorities have changed - no longer do I want to go out and trashed every other night and end up in karaoke until 2am (pretty much the norm up until 3 years ago!). Now my priorities lie with family and friends. I've missed most of my friends weddings, births of their children and their children growing up. Now, I want to spend time having intelligent conversation over dinner with friends, friends that I know are true friends from years ago (i've been burnt here a few times).
At times here, I've actually questioned my own personality becuase of things that have happened - is that right? Should 'friends' make you think like that.

Saying all of this - I've made some amazing friends here, that will remain friends for the rest of my life and these I value. Unfortunalty most of them have left Hua Hin, along with most of my western social circle.

For anyone out there reading this, Thailand is an amazing country with amzing people, culture, food. It is difficult to live here as a single person, however the experiences I've had have taught me lessons that I hope will stand me in good sted for the next stage of my life.

Thank you to everyone, those with us and those who are no longer with us, who have made the last decade of my life so colourful. It's been an experience.......

[margaretcarnes]

I admire your honesty ADW, and completely understand your reasons for going home.
Living in Thailand IS an experience, and it would be foolish of anyone not to recognise that it changes us, broadens our outlook, and changes our perspective.
I found that fitting straight back in with the old crowd of friends was easy - just like I'd never been away. After the initial catching up and story telling - which didn't last long - it was thankfully back to normal.
But friends and family apart, other people weren't interested enough to ask about life in LOS, and I tended to just keep quiet about it and put it behind me. At the same time though I often felt like an alien misfit who had landed in a different environment to the one I'd left.
Very confusing for a while - but very best of luck and do keep us posted on how the move goes

[Siani]

I have just read this post. I think it depends on what sort of a marriage you have. In the UK there are some husbands who prefer going out with their mates than with their wives! If a woman leaves the UK with this type of marriage, it will not work wherever she is, things will not change in Thailand, Spain or Timbuktu! He obviously finds the company of his mates in the bars better than his wife's! It makes me wonder what sort of man comes out to Thailand with his wife and then wants to leave her at home and go to bars alone. Did they not have interests together in the UK I wonder? I think that is why a lot of men prefer the bar life in Thailand...
I am quite looking forward to making friends when I come to Thailand..Thai, Farang, male, female.......maybe I am odd?

[margaretcarnes]

There's some truth in what you say Siani, but like anywhere else I think both partners do need some joint and some separate interests. The biggest problem in Thailand is not so much the men going to bars without their partners. Much of that is just the usual socialising they would do anywhere - pool, darts, football matches etc and of course male chat. But it has to be accepted that there is simply more temptation out there!
Whereas in the West that can work both ways - in Thailand fanciable local men are IMO few and far between, so the situation can be very one sided. More than one farang marriage there has failed when the husband has fallen under the spell of a Thai lady.
With the right outlook though a farang woman can indeed have friends from both cultures and of both sexes. You do need to be aware though that a Thai mans' idea of friendship with a farang woman isn't quite what we may be used to back home, and some - epecially those in authority - can be downright pesky at times!

[Siani]

There's some truth in what you say Siani, but like anywhere else I think both partners do need some joint and some separate interests. The biggest problem in Thailand is not so much the men going to bars without their partners. Much of that is just the usual socialising they would do anywhere - pool, darts, football matches etc and of course male chat. But it has to be accepted that there is simply more temptation out there!
Whereas in the West that can work both ways - in Thailand fanciable local men are IMO few and far between, so the situation can be very one sided. More than one farang marriage there has failed when the husband has fallen under the spell of a Thai lady.
With the right outlook though a farang woman can indeed have friends from both cultures and of both sexes. You do need to be aware though that a Thai mans' idea of friendship with a farang woman isn't quite what we may be used to back home, and some - epecially those in authority - can be downright pesky at times!

Interesting Margaret, does make you wonder about things. I do agree with you about separate interests, that is good and healthy. I think that bells should ring in any marriage though if the husband wants to go to the bar with his mates on most nights in a week...there are only so many "blokey topics" to talk about! I cannot understand why couples do not compromise sometimes. Out for dinner maybe, then both call back for a few drinks in the bar. It depends on whether a wife wants to be the woman stuck at home. Some like it this way! I think it is all down to knowing your man, or at least think you know your man! As you say the temptation is there full on, especially after a few beers!