Not very funny

[Randy Cornhole]

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
answer - Fish!

[Randy Cornhole]

A load of blind and dumb kids are taken out to the zoo for the day.
Later the helpers go for a pint and leave the kids playing in a fenced off area next to the pub, kicking around a ball with bells in it so they can locate it.
About 20 minuets pass and a man runs into the pub shouting, 'whose in charge of all those kids out there'
' We are' replied one of the helpers, Why?
'Well you'd better get out there fast, there kicking the shit out of some poor Morris Dancer'

[Jaime]

Q. What is the difference between a duck?

A. One of its legs is both the same.

[NikkiSixx]

I'm still laughing at the skeleton gag!

[Jaime]

Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Who cares?

[Edd Case]

Q How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. It depends if the light bulb wants to be changed!!

[bubbly]

a bloke walks into a pub with a newt on his shoulder and orders a pint. Whats that on your shoulder? the barman asks. Well its a newt the bloke says.A newt!! i've never seen one of those before the barman replies. Has it got a name??? Yes the bloke says,i call him tiny. Tiny??? why do you call him that?? the barman quizzes. Cos he's my newt says the bloke.

[bubbly]

Why do women fake orgasms????
cos they think men care!!!!

[barrys]

Two cannibals eating a clown.
One says to the other "Doesn't he taste a bit funny to you?"

[c.g]

Snow White and the seven dwarfs go on holiday to Rome, the Pope gets to hear and being a big fan he asks the dwarfs to come and visit him in the Vatican. During the visit Dopey asks the Pope. “Do you have any dwarfs nuns in the Vatican?â€

[migrant]

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up and I asked how come I had
to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for...

I don't think she's coming back.

[housedoctor]

Teacher in school asking the kids what Daddy does for a living. One kid says , my Dad is a magician miss. Very interesting says teacher. And what does he do as a magician. He saws people in half miss says junior. Very good says teacher & tell me, do you have brothers & sisters. I do Teacher says junior. I have 2 half brothers & 4 half sisters.

[c.g]

Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?

Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock

[c.g]

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that.

I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

[bubbly]

A long football joke! Rafael Benitez is at the chelsea training ground watching the first team train so he turns and asks Jose Mourinio" so how do you get the best out of your players"? "All my players are not only fit in body but also in mind" he replies and then calls Joe Cole over and asks him"I am my fathers son but i am not my brother. Who am i"? "Thats easy gov, its me" say Cole. Rafa takes this thought back to the liverpool training camp with him the next day and calls over Jamie Carragher and asks"I am my fathers son but i am not my brother.Who am i"? "I'll get back to you on that one boss" Jamie says and runs off a little confused.
Later that day in the dressing room Jamie slopes up to Steven Gerrard and asks the question again to which Gerrard replies"thats easy,its me". Jamie runs off to Rafa excited to have the answer screaming "boss boss,i know the answer to that question you asked me. The answer is Steven Gerrard!!!! No its not Rafa replies,its Joe f***ing Cole