What glue holds farang-thai couple relationships together?

[Big Boy]

You make a good point there Kendo regarding kids, albeit I'm looking at it from a different angle. Certainly in the UK, I've noticed many Thai ladies getting pregnant in the first year of marriage. In many cases there is a large age difference between husband and wife. I wonder if this is a Thai woman's way of cementing the marriage together for the long ride.

What about in LOS? Is it common for the Thai woman to try to present her husband/partner with a child in quick time?

[kendo]

I think many Thai lady's wish for security in a financial way and a strong family instilled sence of security nothing wrong with that.

Our relationship is maybe quite different from a lot of relationships as we are the same age and my wife came to the U.k quite quickly.

Now i believe that for devorced or widowed men should have a second chance at happyness but from a lot of relationships i know, massive age gaps do cause problems financial security always a plus, but three decades of age difference plus colture a minus, but i also know some with very happy arangements or relationships.

I always think also about the familiar talk of "bad bar girl ripped me off recked my life ripped me off etc"
some guys are incapable of forming relationships anywhere but can't see the error's in there lives.

I think if you meet the right person with all the east meets west differences you can have a really good life, i personally would never think of not being with my wife and i would never go back west so's to speak.
kendo.

[kendo]

Big Boy, I know you no many Thai's over here, now years ago i only recal older men with younger ladys but every year i see more and more young Thai Farang relationships i even read an artical in a magazine about young british lads seeking fun sex and long lasting relationships with Thai's your opinion please.

Kendo.

[margaretcarnes]

Foreigners who marry Thai women may also have had negative previous relationships (divorce/costly separations etc)

Whilst it's not exactly a romantic reason for having an Asian partner, it has to be a large consideration in many peoples minds.
If you have any amount of assets built up in life such as pension funds or property and you're getting past the age where you could start afresh, a relationship in the West can be a very risky proposition.

Quite honestly I've seen some farang/Thai marriages go wrong and the guy lose practically everything with very little recourse to the Law. (Although I believe Thai courts are now taking a more balanced view?)
Plus when there are children involved, it amazes me how some Thai women can simply walk out and leave the kids with the ex. It is almost as if they don't want to go into the next relationship with baggage. Just start again and have more kids with the next partner, while keeping a firm grip on the ex matrimonial home because 'they can'.
I know not all Thai women are like that, but have seen it happen too many times for it to just be the odd 'one off' situation I'm afraid.
In the West of course the mother would hang on to the kids as a way of getting more maintainance, so maybe it's just the Thai way. Or perhaps a divorced Thai woman with Thai/farang children in tow looked down on or something. Either way it seems a pretty cold and heartless way to treat children and does sometimes make me wonder just how highly Thais do value family.

[PeteC]

The rule (not sure if exact Thai law) used to be that when a couple with children split, custody of the male children went to the Mother, and female to the Father. Pete

EDIT....given that were no circumstances making one or both ineligible due to a bad background or behaviour.

[margaretcarnes]

The rule (not sure if exact Thai law) used to be that when a couple with children split, custody of the male children went to the Mother, and female to the Father. Pete

EDIT....given that were no circumstances making one or both ineligible due to a bad background or behaviour.

That seems to be a quite fair and sensible way to deal with it Pete. On the assumption maybe that the girls will grow up to take care of the father and vice versa? Just a guess.
But it doesn't seem to apply when the divorced couple are farang/Thai!

[STEVE G]

Quite honestly I've seen some farang/Thai marriages go wrong and the guy lose practically everything with very little recourse to the Law.

Yes, I quite agree but that has got a lot to do with people putting themselves into that situation. Under UK divorce law you can loose things like half of your pension and other assets that were earned over many years before you even met the person which seems ridiculous in my eyes.
When you're in your twenties you can recover from such things but when you're getting older it's going to ruin you.

[Coldmike]

I met a girl from Issan in Chicago. She was married to a professor about half her age from a very prestigious university. She was ok, rough around the edges, he was a pompous ass. I'm not really sure how he handled introductions at events. Their marriage lasted maybe 5 years. I never saw love but a little mutual need. He was, of course, divorced from
An american woman and had a couple kids. I actually thought she was lucky given her friends and family at home, but she quickly became or already was an alcoholic and is now back in Thailand with a bit of cash but not much future. TO don't think any 'glue' would have held that together. Physical attraction was a one way street and absolutly no intellectual connection at all.

[elem]

Quote:
Quite honestly I've seen some farang/Thai marriages go wrong and the guy lose practically everything with very little recourse to the Law.
Quote:
Yes, I quite agree but that has got a lot to do with people putting themselves into that situation.

...I agree w these statements...I have also seen quite a few Thai/farang relationships going to rat-shit, with loss of money, property and even threats at break-up. What amazes me is that some men seem to be happy with - or at least put up with - the level of very primitive communication in the relationship. I am not putting everyone in the same basket, but almost all of those I know in such a relationship, after some time become obsessed with the 'house-rules' and jealousy of the wife and themselves are - or become quite uninteresting people after a while...
But I guess we all have different criterias in terms of what we want in life...

[Spitfire]

Yes, communication (and through that comes understanding) is what it boils down to for longevity of relationship regardless of where you/she is from or your/her previous experiences. If you've got that then it's 'game on', if not, then it's probably just a matter of time before it ends up in an unwelcome scenario/runs it's course.

We all know that the language barrier is a big hurdle for many, ie you have to learn to speak Thai well or she has to learn to speak English (or whatever) well, as relationships where participants cannot express themselves properly to the other one, or that lack empathy/understanding/interest etc.......are doomed. Perhaps that could be called 'the glue', for me anyhow.

Imo, it's best if you both learn to speak the other's language to whatever extent you can as there is much fun to be had with each other through the other's language plus it gives you an insight into the others culture/society.

However, English is just as hard to learn properly as Thai is. Takes time and usually those that persist/endeavour properly are rewarded.

It could also be possible that quite a few older guys that come here are not here to learn this and that as they are knocking-on and just wish to be taken care of and enjoy themselves as perhaps they haven't in their previous lives for a long while.

[GLCQuantum]

Yes, communication (and through that comes understanding) is what it boils down to for longevity of relationship regardless of where you/she is from or your/her previous experiences. If you've got that then it's 'game on', if not, then it's probably just a matter of time before it ends up in an unwelcome scenario/runs it's course.

What amazes me is that some men seem to be happy with - or at least put up with - the level of very primitive communication in the relationship.

Completely agree with the above and just to stop us repeating the same point forever I'd like to travel back to page 1 of this thread for a minute, where I mentioned that to hold a decent relationship there needs to be....

[PeteC]

A long read for your Sunday that fits into this thread pretty well. Enough to analyze and talk about for several days. Pete

http://www.bangkokpost.com/news/investi ... -of-desire

[usual suspect]

Mrs U.S. & myself have been married for about 10 yrs now, and for all this time I think trust & contentment has been the key.
When her kids and family like you that's a big plus also (yes my wife's family are farmers), but when I can
discuss cropping etc with them & when I show an interest it goes a long way..(maybe not when the 'sick-buffalo' topic arose & I suggested buying a large chest-freezer before bovine-medicine..555).
We do however sit apart to watch TV..I relate Thai soaps laden with pantomime sound-effects on par with water-torture..arrgghh!!
Those who know my wife also know she's not dripping in gold, had plastic surgery done, is quite happy wearing a nice dress I bought from a UK charity-shop, does not need to have status like many do.
Sometimes the Farang husband gets fed up when he's constantly fuelling her need for status-items..gold, new D-Max/Fortuner/Vigo, nose-job/boob-job, etc-etc..all these items reflect her new-found wealth to other Thai ladies, it also transforms many into proper cows..seen it many times where these girls/ladies forget
where they started, come in a bar and act out same as the bitches on/in the soaps..when this pompous attitude carries on in the home the man soon sees what he's created..big change from the girl he slept with that night at his hotel & woke up to find she'd put toothpaste on his brush the next morning and tenderly soaped his body in the shower that morning...are you getting the picture here..??
I've seen relationships form then crumble this way many times over the years.. ho-hum/TIT.

[johnnyk]

From the Thai woman's p.o.v. what happens when she finds out her hero is a drunk with no interests beyond sports? She falls for the 2-week millionaire's BS and is whisked off to paradise. Except it ain't paradise, it's Bolton or Sphincter Junction, USA or Scheisstadt, Germany .
The 2-week king does oil changes for a living and lives in a crappy, dark little flat on a street with no trees. He comes home, flops into his cheezy vinyl recliner, guzzles booze and falls asleep by 9pm, snoring like a train.
And there are no Thai soaps on tv.

[jimmy40]

I think things work on who you are, treat as you would want to be treated, sort that western temper out[thats hard when it takes 10 Thai's 10 minutes to work out a problem sometimes] But it can be done, on the other side if your lady isn't trying to do a little of the western things, and just watch tv your Glue will never work. Trust me i am just starting on my 4th, so i know what goes wrong and right.I have learned sometimes the hard way.Sometimes there fault sometimes mine.